It’s the first week into the new year and I am trucking along.
I don’t normally make New Years Resolutions. It’s more of a continual attempt at growth, but because its the new year, I’ll list what I resolve to keep working on.
1. Be true to myself. To not allow the opinions and (sometimes) sweet words of others make me be untrue to what I know to be truth in my heart.
2. I will not allow others to make me feel bad for being “different”. I’ve been called Overly-emotional, or that Over-analyze or Over-Think things. No… I’m just the right amount of emotional and I think things through maybe more than most, but I see this as a very good thing for many reasons. One reason: I truly know myself better than most people know themselves. Hell, I know some others better than they know themselves! I am very observant and have been right more times than not (by a lot) so Ive learned to listen to my natural instincts instead of listening to the words of someone that can’t handle the truth. I won’t allow people to make me feel like I’m wrong for being who I am. I’m not “Overly” anything. I will not be sorry for how I am, and think I’m flawed, because of these things. I’m flawed for other reasons.
What do you think I do as an Insomniac for hours when everyone else is sleeping? Other than try to sleep…
I think.
I analyze and I ponder many, many things. I understand most people don’t have these hours to meditate on life and such, but more often not, id take a normal sleep habit than all the insight in the world. However, not all of my observations come from hours of thinking, but more so from a natural ability to read people. I’ve had this ability my entire life. This incite greatly helps me as a photographer. If I see a person is uncomfortable, doesn’t seem to like a pose, or the direction I’m going, I can see that without words. I can read it in their body language or in their expressions…and then I can talk to them about it or just adjust.
This ability is useful in all areas of my life. I just need to remember to listen to it. I knew from my second date with my ex that he was not a good fit for me. I had so many concerns about his obvious addictions, but I stayed with him for over a year and a half. I now understand I did that, in part, because I wanted to help him and felt compassion for his situation (blindness). But, we all have a situation that can illicit compassion in some form.
When I was studying Criminal Psychology, one thing I heard that stuck with me is: We all have compassion for the child that was abused or in a horrific situation, but we despise the serial killer that he becomes. Why does the adult not deserve the same compassion? Unless born an sociopath or psychopath (entirely another topic), he was MADE this way and knows no other way of being. Truly think about this…
3. I will continue to work on my self-improvement. This includes: Continuing my daily
Meditation practice, yoga, and lots and lots of insomnia induced analyzations.
These ruminations in blog form may help me get things out of my head so I can sleep.
Probably not.
Maybe, it will just be a place to put my well thought out truths and observations from all those hours of self reflection….and photos…there will be photos.
It’s 5:20AM. … and Happy New Year!
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