The Struggle is Real

So often when I’m meditating, I find that my mind is scattered and I’m often tired and unfocused. I always find it hard to concentrate. But, that’s the reason I started meditating! I read about how amazing meditation is for years and I want all the benefits people boast about, but you gotta do it every day. Ugh…
But it’s for the betterment of my life, so I do it. At least, I think I’m doing it right. It, more often than not, seems as if the harder I try at something, the harder my mind works against it. Stubborn ass thing it is!

When I’m “trying” to meditate, my mind is like, “What was that sound?”, “Aww my kitty-cat wants pets”, I’m so hungry”, “That’s an itch, am I really not aloud to itch?”, “But am I aloud to swallow? Cause that’s moving too, right.”, “I should Google that later.”, “I want someone to get inside my head and tell me if this is right.”, “Man, I don’t wanna do this style of meditation anymore, I’m going to start focusing on whatever that sound is.” “…Where did the sound go!?”, “I read your not suppose to switch once you start”, “…I messed up.”, “Oh crap! I’ve been thinking this entire time!”, “How long have I been doing that?”, “Should I start my timer over?” “I really want to move”,
“OK, seriously…I’m seriously going focus… now”.

I’m so unfocused that it takes me a long time to even read a book because my mind is all over the place. This is how my mind is pretty much all the time. BUT, there is one time when everything is calm.

…When I’m dancing…


That’s when my mind is not thinking about what time it is or all the millions of things I HAVE to do all in that exact moment or the world will end. ….Nope. Just pure zen. Even if I’m performing in front of hundreds of people, when I’m in my safe fire bubble dancing and spinning around, all the faces blur together (If I even look past the flames at them). I zone out to the sounds of the flames ripping through the air and whizzing by my face, I feel the heat of the fire grazing against my skin, and I’ve done my choreography so many times (let’s hope) that i don’t think about it…I just feel it.

So, when I was learning about the Yoga Sutras in Yoga Teacher Training this week, Sutra 1.35 definitely stood out to me.  Translated, it means:  …”Or by concentration on subtle sense perceptions can cause steadiness of mind.” because that “steadiness of mind”… that calmness, for me, only comes from my concentration of dance. Now, if I could just harness that blissful moment at other times, that’d be great!

What came up during meditation today? “Google and learn more about ‘moving meditation'”.

“Wait…Isen’t that Yoga?”



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